Roadshow by Nikki Ervice: A journey fueled by desperation and the promise of home

Annie is running out of options, but giving up isn’t part of the plan in Roadshow by Nikki Ervice, a debut novel about ambition, survival, and the uncertain road between the life we imagined and the one we end up living. When an unexpected letter from her estranged, dying mother sends Annie on a hero’s journey from New York to Alaska, she sets out with little money, an unreliable car, and no real idea how she’s going to get there. What follows is a road trip that tests her judgment and endurance while offering a glimpse into the precarious existence of someone who has spent much of her life living on the margins.

Annie’s life in New York hasn’t turned out the way she hoped. She came to the city with dreams of dancing, but making a living as a performer has proved more difficult than she anticipated. At Club X, she performs burlesque as Dog-Faced Girl, wearing a mask that allows her to dance without exposing her face. It’s a compromise that lets her hold on to the one thing she loves while earning enough to get by. When a letter arrives from Vera, the mother who abandoned her as an infant, Annie finds herself confronting a past she knows almost nothing about. Her father, who raised her in Alaska, had kept Vera’s identity and history largely to himself. But now that Annie has received a letter from her dying mother, the chance to meet the woman who abandoned her as an infant gives her a reason to put her New York ambitions on hold and make the long journey home.

The journey north is an exercise in desperation. Annie has no substantial savings or reliable source of income waiting for her along the way. She sleeps wherever she can, looks for opportunities to earn money, and makes decisions that put her in increasingly precarious situations. Her attempts to find work as a stripper don’t go as planned, and as her funds disappear, she resorts to stealing gas. She eventually agrees to perform at a bachelor party in exchange for enough money to keep moving, an arrangement that takes a dangerous turn. Through it all, she keeps going, even when the practical reasons to turn back seem to be piling up.

I found myself alternately admiring Annie’s determination and questioning her judgment. She makes some terrible decisions, and her willingness to put herself in harm’s way is difficult to watch. I can’t imagine setting out on a journey of that distance with so little money, counting on the possibility of finding work along the way. Yet there is something compelling about her refusal to abandon the trip. Annie isn’t following some carefully considered plan for reinventing herself. She’s trying to get somewhere before it’s too late, and the lack of a safety net makes every mile a gamble.

Ervice also explores the complicated relationship between dancing as an art and dancing as a means of earning a living. Annie’s original aspirations involve ballet, but the reality of pursuing a career in dance has led her toward burlesque and stripping. There is an interesting social divide between the way these forms of performance are regarded. One is associated with discipline, artistic achievement, and cultural respectability; the other is treated as something shameful, even when both require a performer to develop and maintain considerable physical skill. Annie’s experience suggests that the difference isn’t always about the dancing itself so much as the audience watching and the assumptions they bring with them. Her work is a means of survival, but it also represents the compromises she’s made to keep dancing.

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The novel is attentive to the dangers that accompany Annie’s circumstances. She often seems aware of the risks involved in accepting help from strangers or spending time with men whose intentions aren’t entirely clear. That awareness doesn’t always translate into self-preservation, however. She can be drinking herself into oblivion in the company of men she has every reason to distrust, leaving me to wonder how much of her behavior comes from desperation and how much from a willingness to accept whatever happens next. The hospitality and entertainment industries provide opportunities for her to earn money, but they also expose her to people who see her circumstances as something they can exploit.

I was also interested in Annie’s relationships, which tend to remain on the surface. She doesn’t seem to form deep connections with the people she encounters, even when circumstances bring them into close proximity. Perhaps this comes from being abandoned by her mother so early in life. Perhaps growing up with a father who was more devoted to his work than to emotional expression left her without much experience of intimacy. It could be a combination of both, though Ervice doesn’t offer an easy explanation. Annie is someone who has learned to keep moving, and the people around her are often temporary fixtures in a life without much stability.

The writing is one of the novel’s strengths. Ervice gives the journey a sense of momentum, and the changing landscapes provide more than a backdrop for Annie’s struggles. As she moves from the Midwest through Canada and toward Alaska, the physical distance she travels becomes intertwined with the unresolved questions of her childhood. Her eventual arrival is hard-won. When the Buick LeSabre finally gives out, Annie still has to find a way to reach the island where Vera is waiting. By then, the journey has become as much about getting back to the place where her story began as it is about meeting the mother she never knew.

Roadshow is a testimony to a life lived on the edge, where the difference between getting by and falling into disaster can be a matter of a few dollars or a decision made in the wrong company. I enjoyed the novel, even when Annie’s choices frustrated me. Her journey isn’t an inspirational tale about overcoming obstacles through determination alone. There is too much uncertainty and too little security for that. Instead, Ervice gives us a woman whose dreams haven’t worked out as planned, who has made compromises to survive, and who is still trying to find her way toward something that might resemble home.

Readers who enjoy literary road novels with complicated protagonists and an unsentimental look at life on the margins may find this journey worth taking. What do you think keeps someone moving forward when the odds seem stacked against them? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

An advance reader copy of this book (ARC) was provided to me by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

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Related Content

• Read an excerpt from the novel Roadshow (Literary Hub)
• Spotlight on Roadshow by Nikki Ervice (LitStack)
• When mothers are monsters (Write on the World)

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