Once you’ve learned how to spot POV shifts in your writing, it’s time to fix them. Let’s look at this short fictional story, courtesy of Chat GPT, that demonstrates how shifting the point of view (POV) too often can lead to confusion and disrupt the reader’s experience:
The Picnic by the Lake
It was a beautiful day, and Emma spread the blanket on the grass by the lake. She smiled, looking at the calm water, imagining how perfect the afternoon would be with her friends. (At this point, the story appears to focus on Emma. Because we have insight into her imagination, we feel like we are seeing the story from her point of view).
Lily watched Emma (wait, we’re in Lily’s head now? What?) from behind a tree, wondering if the picnic was a good idea. She had always preferred quiet gatherings, not big groups. But Emma looked so happy, she didn’t want to ruin it for her.
Across the lake, Jack stood on his porch, squinting at the group of people gathering by the shore. (And now we’re seeing the story from Jack’s POV. But why? Keep reading and count how many different POVs you can spot in this narrative!) He wasn’t sure if he liked how noisy the neighborhood had become lately, but Emma seemed like a nice enough girl.
“Do you think we’ll go swimming later?” Sam asked Emma, setting down the cooler. He had been excited about the picnic all week, eager to spend more time with her.
Emma nodded, though she wasn’t sure. She hadn’t wanted to swim today, but if Sam did, maybe she would give in. She glanced at Lily, who was still standing off to the side. Lily never swam.
Lily wished she could leave, but Emma had invited her. She felt trapped between her desire to go home and her unwillingness to disappoint her friend.
Meanwhile, in a tree above them, a robin observed the gathering with curiosity. The people below seemed oblivious to its presence, but the bird had seen many such gatherings before.
Sam turned to grab a soda from the cooler, unaware of Lily’s internal conflict. He only noticed how far away she stood from the group. “Hey, Lily, come join us!”
Jack’s irritation grew as he continued to watch from a distance. He was tempted to go over and ask them to keep it down.
Lily forced a smile and walked over, her heart pounding in her chest. She hated being the center of attention, but she knew she couldn’t keep avoiding her friends. Emma, on the other hand, was thrilled. She wanted everyone to feel included.
The robin fluttered to another branch, briefly interrupting the group as they looked up at the bird.
In this story, the POV shifts frequently between Emma, Lily, Sam, Jack, and even the bird, creating a disjointed narrative. This constant switching prevents the reader from settling into any one character’s perspective, making it difficult to follow the emotional journey or connect deeply with any individual character. The reader’s attention is pulled in multiple directions, breaking the flow of the story.
If this was your story, you would have a lot of work to do in the revise and refine stage of the novel writing process to polish this story. One way to fix this might be to choose one important character and filter the story through that character’s perception. Ask yourself, “What does the POV character see, hear, smell, and feel?” “How can this character interpret the actions of the other characters based only on what this point of view character sees and hears them do?” Use your answers to these questions to revise your story.
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And now, a look at my latest novel, It Had to Happen!
Book Summary
When Jack Utley loses his daughter just as his business is about to soar, it seems he’s traded financial gain for Callie’s life. After an encounter with a mysterious woman on the eve of Callie’s funeral, Jack wakes up to find that time has somehow rewound to the morning of Callie’s accident. Jack gets an opportunity that most grieving parents can only dream of – he saves his daughter’s life.
Now that Jack has been forced to reflect on everything he has to lose, he resolves to do better. He’s determined to spend more time at home with his family and repair the relationships that have suffered over the years while he’s been so focused on work. But as Callie’s behavior becomes increasingly bizarre, Jack realizes he has a lot more room to improve than he realized – and it might be too late to save his daughter after all.
For fans of We Need to Talk About Kevin, The Push, and Baby Teeth.
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